I'm Back, and a Few Housekeeping Items

Hey everybody. I really need to try to keep up with this better. It helps me unwind, but in a good way. Not that sit in a chair nonchalant-ly uninteresting pile of rubbish that most people do. It lets my mind just wander, type about what I feel, and work on personal things that I couldn't work on just by thinking about them. I'm going off of my Twitter Updates to fill you in on what happened during my absence.

First was the car ride home ALL the way back on the night of February 12th or 13th....whatever that Friday was. It was hellish. I was yelled at, mentally disemboweled, and an emotional and very nearly physical wreck. Basically, I was told that I was worth nothing, and that everything I have tried for has involved me screwing up at it at some point during my life. My pride and dignity took a titanic hit, and I will admit I cried myself to sleep those first few nights back. I'm to the point now that I'm afraid to admit anything, because I'm trying to right my life again. I derailed big time, and I don't want to get that bad again. But, back on topic. I contemplated suicide three times in one week, I said and did things that I later regretted, and I really felt like I had hit rock bottom, and had absolutely no way out.

Once my head was back on it's shoulders after about a week, I started wondering if my major choice of music education was really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I mean, it was a good idea in theory, but I just didnt see it as something I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life. So I started thinking about what I was interested in. Was I an actor? Maybe. I had always been interested in it, and wanted to act in a play on campus, but couldn't because of other obligations. I had done some acting work in high school, and was really enthralled by the prospects and doors that being an actor would open. Could I be a photographer? Pictures were a hidden passion of mine, more of a secret, but I had taken a ton of pictures before and loved every second of it. One of them was even published! It definitely was an option. Or maybe a filmmaker? I loved being on the acting side, but what about writing the play or movie, shooting the right angles? It would be awesome. Or lastly, a writer. I had written a lot previously and had several stories featured in small works and publications! I learned that my possibilities were limitless, even if my mind felt that it was contained inside one small little box.

I did a lot of singing to ease the pain, de-stress, and overall just forget the world around me for a few moments and just be me. I threw out my voice several times, and in the end, learned my true voice. I'm a soft-spoken singer. I can belt, but it's not as pretty or entrancing as my regular voice. I'd sing, but I really don't want to. I don't feel in a singing mood at the moment.

I then joined TaeKwonDo. It is probably the best thing that ever happened to me. It gave my life some purpose, some meaning, and I had something to look forward to instead of sitting at home, moping, singing, or just being bored.

Then something called the Vancouver Olympics happened, and the most epic hockey game in the history of ever also happened. I'm happy that Canada won the game. I thought it was well played, and watched the game through to the end. Amazing job by both teams, and as an American, I'm happy to say that Canada deserved the win.

Then, I got a job. At Wal-Mart. I really don't want to go into details, but it is what paid for this computer. So I can't complain. I just wish my co-workers would have a better attitude towards their work. It's starting to rub off.

Then my parents thought I was their slave. I don't want to go into details. At all.

Then, I moved. To another house in the trailer court, but it was epic, we found things that we never knew existed, and were still trying to get 100% settled in. I'd say we are 85% there.

Next, I realized that I didn't have to run from all of my problems.  I could go back and tackle them head on. So I decided I wanted to go back to the school where all of my problems started in the first place. I figured, why not? I haven't told my parents yet, and I know they'll say no, but it's my life and I'll be damned if I'm going to let other people sit in MY director's chair and give the orders. It's my life. No one else's.

Then I got my yellow belt, which is on my dailybooth page http://www.dailybooth.com/JoshFromOverThereSomewhere

Well, that's my update. Good noght folks and until tomorrow!!!